Inadvertent Sexting: It's as ridiculous as you'd think

It never fails. Whenever I run into Football Coach he ends up texting me later on that night looking for a little “fun.” It’s like, he sees me and remembers, “Oh yeah. She’s hot.” Then he feels the need to text me to “hang out” later that night. It’s like clockwork.

So, when I saw Football Coach on Friday, I completely expected him to send me a text that night. With the help of a few friends, I found myself inadvertently sexting, only to leave him hanging. (You must know, there was a lot of sexual innuendo already happening at our bar table that night, so Football Coach simply texted at the wrong time.)

(Ed. note: In an effort to keep my friends anonymous, any full names were replaced with X’s, still keeping the integrity of the conversation.)

Football Coach: What’s up?
Susie Q: Nothing. What’s up with you?
Football Coach: Just getting some drinks.
Susie Q: Me too.
Football Coach: That a girl. So what are you doing after drinks? (Ed. note: It doesn’t take him long to get to the point.)
Q: I am already spent from my friend Mxxx. And it was good.
FC: Oh wow.
Q: Yeah baby.
FC: Damn you’re wild.
Q: You didn’t know this already?
FC: Damn I didn’t think you would come out and say that. Know anyone who needs it tonight?
Q: Nope.
FC: So you got a boyfriend now?
Q: No but I am sleeping with my best friend’s boyfriend. And he has awesome triceps. (Ed. note: My BFF’s BF really was showing off his triceps. Really.)
FC: You are shameless.
Q: Yup.
FC: Damn. Your best friend, though.
Q: Oh she was there too.
FC: You’re making me want to fuck you even more. Really. Wow. You guys need someone else to help out?
Q: No her boyfriend is more than enough. But thanks for the offer. You can see why I am wiped.
FC: Are they into swinging?
Q: Yeah. We hang out on the playground every other day.
FC: Wow. That is awesome. Is there room on the playground?
Q: There is a seesaw.
FC: When is a good time to ride it?
Q: You have to wait until someone wants to sit on the other end.
FC: How long is the wait usually?
Q: Standing room only.
FC: Damn. Well, where is the line?
Q: Behind Sxxx. (Ed. note: A girl friend of mine.)
FC: Really. Any merry-go-rounds?
Q: Yup.
FC: Is there a line?

At this point I stopped answering (in the middle of this he called twice, neither of which were answered) because I realized he wasn’t joking. I don’t want to get wrapped up with him again. I haven’t slept with him since September, and even then it wasn’t good. He had no idea I was completely joking, or that half of my friends were reading our texts over my shoulder. FC texted me the next night, trying again. It didn’t work.

There’s potentially a new man on the horizon and I feel like I’ve wiped my slate painfully clean recently (as in, haven’t slept with ANYONE since October – ugh!) and am ready to start anew with someone. I’ve gotten rid of the men who’ve been floating in the periphery for quite a while. I feel cleansed and ready to go. Ex-DJ: I’m ready! Come get me!


- Susie Q